long distance talk


Not fun. This stopped being fun. I was in such a good place these last few day and then feelings got in the way.

I dont know if I'm sad because of the future question or because the future answer. I don't care to address either.  Everyone hopes to find someone out there for them, but once you find it, so many factors that come in. I'm just so over it. I rather take a midterm then deal with this anymore.

I need to go a run tonight.

nostalgic  - listening to old chinese songs. By old, I mean early 2000's. Circa Tank and David Tao.


Ivana is thinking about going to Western instead of Kansas. I feel all warm and fuzzy that she has this choice. It's a burden and a blessing for her cause she was all ready for Kansas. But seems that she is willing to give up her hedgehog to go with Western. I would be so lucky to be in her place months from now. Not with vet school, of course.


brother came home from work and is miffed that i tried to clean his stuff. I just want to dump most of it away. I love him but he needs to be able to let go. He doesn't need his old chem homework or his untouched Maxims. He doesn't need 6 outdated pentium iv towers. I want to suggest using a camera to take pics of all the old newspaper articles he wants to keep. I want to recycle everything so badly.


im scared about something. Ivana asked me if I'm afraid of commitment last week. About him? maybe. About grad school? definitely. The "c" word hadnt cross my mind before then but I definitely was worried about long-term decisions.  maybe he doesnt want to commit to me and this is just whatever to him. maybe im a shoe-in for some of the schools i really want to get into. i don't know what i want. 


i should reply to his messages but im in a weird mood.